Posted in Guatemala by Charlene Geddes on 5/20/2012
One-year, four-month-old Josselyn was my first love at the Casa Jackson Center for Malnourished Infants. She and I bonded quickly through play (for her…just play…for me…early intervention for a little girl who is developmentally delayed…and…play too!).
My favorite memory: Josselyn managed to up-end a laundry basket and position herself on the top…and I thought…what better use of an up-ended laundry basket than for it to act as a “coche”. So, as I pushed Josselyn up and down the hallway of the clinic, it did not take long before I received looks of disgruntlement when I stopped. With speech and language pathologist in my blood, I did what any other good clinician would do and modeled the sign “more” using a “hand-over-hand” prompt! After a few hand-over-hand trials I slowly faded the prompts to gestures and the question “do you want more?”, and to my JOY, Josselyn signed “more” to communicate her desire for this activity to continue! Oh how the clinician in me bubbled over! Of course, the end result of this scenario was that I was EXHAUSTED after pushing her up and down the hall for longer than I bargained for…but it was worth it! She got her first glimpse of the power of communication…a reciprocal exchange that ended in her attaining something she desired…beautiful!
But, I digress! I said goodbye to Josselyn today because she is being discharged back into the care of her mother, also named Josselyn. I got to talk with “Mama Josselyn” today and learned that she is 18 years old. She is married and she is pregnant with their second baby…a boy. She is a sweet…woman?...and I pray for the best for her, little Josselyn, and their growing family. I’m confident that, with the education, supplies, and follow through provided by Casa Jackson, they will do well.
I’m thankful for Josselyn and how she reminded me of the joy that comes from teaching a child.
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Posted in Guatemala by Charlene Geddes on 5/18/2012
First, let me explain why The Casa Jackson Center for Malnourished Infants exists. Malnutrition is a huge problem in Guatemala with 49+% of children under the age of six suffering from chronic malnourishment. The clinic is equipped to treat up to 20 children at a time and the children who are admitted receive in-house care for anywhere from 3 to 26 weeks. When the children are nursed back to proper health and before they are discharged from the center and back into the care of their families, there is a team from Casa Jackson that educates the families on proper nutrition, provides a new home with proper flooring and roofing when necessary, provides cooking supplies, and sets up follow-up visits to ensure a successful return home. Casa Jackson has an excellent success rate and rarely is it ever necessary to re-admit children to the center.
Casa Jackson is currently home to nine children from two months of age through 12 years of age. I really don’t know where to start in explaining how this ministry month is touching my heart and life, so, I will simply begin by telling you about one boy and let that be all that needs to be said for now.
Luis. At 12 years of age, Luis entered Casa Jackson at around 25 pounds. I have only learned a small part of his story, but what I do know is that his mother passed away while giving birth to him and his dad has largely abandoned him. He is autistic and it is difficult to know whether the autism came first or the neglect and malnourishment. Luis is now weighing in at almost 50 pounds. I have had the pleasure of caring for Luis each day. When I arrive in the morning I greet him with “Luis! Como estas?” and help him stand and walk to take a shower. After I bathe him, I put a diaper on him and dress him. Throughout the day, we go on walks around the clinic, we sit on his bed and he listens and smiles as I sing to him, and often, we just sit side by side in the common area. I also get the joy of feeding Luis his lunch. He eats the whole bowl of food every time…it is such a fulfilling thing to put that spoon to his mouth each time knowing that it is filled with the nutrients his body needs so desperately.
Although Luis is non-verbal, his personality still shines through. We have a running “joke” that began like this: One of the times we were walking around the clinic, we went into the room where his bed is and found 2-year-old Alberto “Beto” standing next to the bed having stripped it of all of its blankets…I said: “Oh no! Que haces con su cama, Luis?” (in my broken Spanish)…and he laughed! I say it is a running joke because later that day whenever we walked around the clinic and started approaching his room, Luis would start laughing before his bed was even in view in anticipation of seeing all his blankets on the floor! I love it! We connected. Luis and I share a joke. I love loving him the way Jesus would love him. I love being His hands and feet…and in a beautiful way, Luis shows me Jesus every day too.
P.S. I am happy to tell you that Luis has an aunt and uncle who are going to be taking him under their care once he regains his health and is discharged from the center!
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Posted in Guatemala by Charlene Geddes on 5/8/2012
We just finished our 8-month debrief here in Antigua, Guatemala. The focus of this debrief was to prepare us for going home in 3 months. Ashley, the representative from the World Race alumni department, and an alumni Racer, told her story about going home. I will share with you one part of her story because it brought me to tears…literally, alligator tears streaming down my face in the middle of the session. She shared about the moment at the airport when in the midst of reclaiming luggage, making connecting flights, etc., she turned around to realize that all but three of her squad mates had dispersed – and she didn’t even get to say a final goodbye. Aghhh…break my heart!
I’m being prepared for saying goodbye to my World Race family (or at least hello to a new season of what those friendships look like)…and I’m also being prepared to enter back into a world where I want to have a place and an impact…not knowing where that place will be or what impact I’m being called to make. With that, here are some questions I have been asking myself:
1. Do I search for and fight for big things, or do I rest contently in the little things?
2. How do I balance the fact that my “life is not about me” – and also go after “the plan God has for me” which assumes that on some level something IS about me and specific for me…is one maxim right and the other wrong…or am I supposed to somehow merge these two concepts?
3. If the latter maxim is valid…What is my unique Kingdom contribution and what am I specifically being sent out to do from here?
4. Is it prideful and foolish to think “it” is something big? Should I be less of a dreamer and just go home and live a “normal” life and do so with love, a servant’s heart, and a passion for sharing the Gospel in the community he gives me there?
5. Am I thinking that life can be something it’s not?
6. Am I called to what makes sense and comfort, or am I called to what makes me grow?
7. Am I choosing to limit myself – and God – by staying secure in the ordinary, or am I choosing to push myself to find true security that comes from dreaming with God in the extraordinary?
While I’m allocating a healthy amount of my thoughts to preparing to go home, I am also in a place of deep hunger for what God is going to do in these next 3 months and I’m more excited than ever to be in ministry. I don’t know what it is but I have felt “it” ever since arriving here in Guatemala. My heart feels renewed…more open, more vulnerable to brokenness, more expectant and willing, and more hungry than ever. This month myself and six other women from my squad will be serving at a clinic for children suffering from mal-nutrition. We will start tomorrow with a volunteer orientation. The clinic itself is not Christian-based, so there will be ample opportunity for us to be Christ’s witnesses, hands, and feet.
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Posted in Bulgaria by Charlene Geddes on 4/22/2012
Our ministry this month is with an organization called “Mission Possible”. While there are several aspects of the organization, our involvement has been with their Christian Conference Center. The center is a beautiful three story building in the little village of Dobromirka. We have what are our “best” accommodations yet…hot showers, beds, heaters, dining room table, industrial sized kitchen, washer and dryer, and space! We have spent our time here preparing the conference center for upcoming seminars. We planted trees, raked and mowed the lawn, washed windows, dressed beds, mopped floors, cleaned out the attic, and more. We finished all the work asked of us in anticipation of the men’s business conference that is being held at the center this weekend.
Friday, 40 business men moved in…and, to create more space, we moved out…which leads me to the heart of this post: our unexpected accommodations.
We were told that we would be spending Friday and Saturday night at a church that was willing to host us. We packed what we thought we might need, and headed out.
Our mottos on the World Race include things like a little ditty (with accompanying hand and leg motions) that goes: “This whole day is full of surprises…ding!” (don’t ask!) and embracing concepts such as “readiness” and holding expectations loosely…or better yet, not having expectations. Well, this weekend has been just one more example of walking in these mottos... and the truth is, it’s good, because this is when I learn the most.
Upon arriving at the church we learned that there were rooms with bunk beds…great! We were ready to sleep on the floor. We also learned that us ladies would have a roommate…her name is Nadia…and she is homeless. Down the hallway, there is another room with six men who are homeless. The church hosts this ministry for homeless individuals to give them a place to sleep and two meals each day. It is beautiful. This is how it should be, right? But this is also different. At home I would never sleep in a bunk bed next to a woman who is homeless, or share a bathroom with six men who don’t smell or look the way that I’m comfortable with…but then I realize in complete indignity at my own pride, that this is THEIR home. This is THEIR space…and THEY have welcomed ME in. The ultimate lesson: ALL of it belongs to God and HE welcomes them…and he welcomes me. This building I’m sitting in right now as I write these words is God’s house…what better place to serve as a sanctuary for his people…ALL his people…those who are “homeless”…and even me…with my sometimes hard heart. Who is pleasing God more…Nadia who offered to wash my dishes last night because as she said in Bulgarian “you are the guest”…or, or me with my pride-filled heart? Oh, Lord…please do more work on my heart.
Psalm 23 has been sweet for me this weekend…God’s word to me through it has almost brought me to tears. He is my shepherd, my rest, my strength, my protector, and my comforter…He knows right where I am, He pursues me, and I will live safely in His house forever. Amen.
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Posted in Bulgaria by Charlene Geddes on 4/19/2012
This morning I experienced the culmination of an epiphany that has been brewing since month three of the Race…In South Africa when I had the severe arthritis flare-up and started taking the medication “prednisone” (prescribed to me by the South African doctor), my team reminded me that while we were praying for complete healing and seeking a miracle for me relative to my health, that maybe the miracle is in God’s provision of modern medicine. “Yea yea yea…” I thought, “…I know, it’s amazing that I have this medication and that my body responds to it”. But the truth is – that was not the answer or the miracle that I wanted. Over these past months as I have prayed for healing but only found daily “sustaining” through medication, I have been left partly satisfied…trying my best to see God in the “sustaining”…and trying to convince myself that that is enough…that that could be the miracle I’ve been praying for. But really, if that is to be the extent of the miracle…the extent of the answer to my prayers and to the step of faith I took this year, am I satisfied?
This morning, my answer is YES! These mornings of waking up with hands that literally don’t work until the pain and swelling subside have made me think. This is how I feel WITHOUT Enbel, but WITH all the other medication I am able to take daily this year…Plaquenil, Mobic, Prednisone…what if I didn’t have ANY of these medications to help my body every day? My realization this morning…I would be crippled. I know it sounds extreme…but it’s true. I would be so limited physically. My knees would swell up like they did in South Africa and I wouldn’t be able to walk without a limp. My hands would be worse than they are now and I wouldn’t be able to use them for much. Other joints that I thankfully don’t think about as often because I don’t use them as much would grow worse and I would be forced to notice them more…my elbows, shoulders, neck, jaw…things that have twinges of pain now with SOME medication would be a mess without any of it.
Now I realize what God has given me through modern medicine. He has given me renewed health…a chance to live normally…freedom to move, exercise, push myself…a gift…a miracle.
“You have moderate to severe Rheumatoid Arthritis”…that’s what my rheumatologist told me when I was diagnosed at age 18. With 13 years of feeling relatively good on medication…it has been easy to forget what lies under the cover of medication…this year, I have been reminded. I am so aware of my weakness…not to the extent that I’m going to dwell on it…but I have a humble awareness of my frailty, my dependence on God’s grace, my need for restoration, and the fact that this world and this body are temporary. I am thankful for the wholeness, healing and freedom that God offers through this Son and for the fact that one day, I will live in full freedom…including physical freedom…in Eternity.
Romans 8:18-25
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Posted in Bulgaria by Charlene Geddes on 4/15/2012
I spent a good portion of the day yesterday (our eastern European Easter day – thank you Orthodox calendar) journaling and thinking…wanting to feel inspired with a blog topic so that I could let everyone at home know something I’m learning, something I’ve seen God do, etc. I’ve wanted to write something about the arthritis because I have not mentioned it lately even though it is still a daily part of my Race…a daily part of me. And now, here I am at 1:30 in the morning, having woken up, unable to go back to sleep…finally feeling compelled to write…
I think I’m going to make it. I’m finally at that point where I have experienced varying degrees of arthritis flare-ups and have seen them come and go with rest and time and I can say fairly confidently that I will be able to finish the Race…I’m going to make it the whole 11 months and I’m so thankful. But, everyday I’m acutely aware of the arthritis…nights like this one I wake up in the middle of the night very aware. My wrists and fingers are swollen and achy. I rest in the assurance that tomorrow morning, once I’m moving again, that the swelling will go back down to “normal” (my new World Race – no Enbrel medication normal) and that it will be okay. Try wrapping the fingers of your right hand around your left pointer finger and then squeeze. To give you an idea, right now I can’t squeeze. My fingers are swollen and weak. When I sit up in bed, I can’t just put my hands down next to me and move myself. It hurts…not only that…they literally can’t…they don’t have the strength to hold my body weight. My wrists are too weak. I don’t say this to complain, but to make a point…to help others understand, and to give myself a way to remember.
I woke up just now acutely aware of my weakness…of my need for God…aware that things are not right with the world…and in this moment specifically, not even right with my body. I’m aware of my need to be not just spiritually restored but also physically restored when Christ comes again to make all things new. It is moments like this where I’m so aware that I am broken. That I have limits…that I’m dependent on the One who made me. That I can’t guarantee anything for myself, but rather that all I can do is go about each day, grateful for the gifts and abilities and life I’m given in humble dependence on the Lord who is my portion and strength. The arthritis is a thorn in my flesh…it keeps me humble…it reminds me that God’s grace…his unmerited favor…is sufficient for me…and not just sufficient, but more than I “deserve”...maybe when I ask for God to take away the thorn in my flesh I’m doing it out of a heart that forgets that he has already given me unmerited favor…maybe I forget that while I’m praying for physical relief, he is standing at the door freely offering salvation and rest for my soul…something I need even more…something he says is sufficient for me. He is God. I am not.
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Posted in serbia by Charlene Geddes on 4/1/2012
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The ladies...Ashley, Amanda, Kip & me...taking a break from chopping, carrying and stacking fire wood (the small pieces)!
I believe I am generally someone who appreciates cultural differences…but, may I have permission to speak freely for a moment? After a little sarcasm and venting, I will regain my composure…I promise!
I have been faced with cultural differences since the beginning of the Race. In the Philippines, people ate balut…need I say more? In China, it was not uncommon to walk by a decapitated pig head, still dripping with blood on the street. In South Africa, we had to be extra cognizant of our safety when walking around the neighborhood. Mozambique acquainted us with overcrowded, smelly vehicles which frequently included not just people, but a live goat thrown in the back and/or a live chicken at someone’s feet. Swaziland…well, there I learned that burping and spitting were considered rude (neither restriction posing too much of a problem for me personally).
Romania is where cultural differences started to affect me personally and the real test of my humility and grace began. Before attending a church service our first Sunday morning, our contact informed us that the women in the church were not allowed to share our thoughts during the Bible Study portion of the church service…whaaat??? You can tell me that this is cultural and not personal, but boy did it feel personal! Someone else’s values were being placed on me…and an assumption was made that I would fall in line…and it was HARD. I did not want to be at that church. If they did not value me, I did not want to go. The way it worked out, we did not have to return to that church (but for other reasons).
Serbia. Jobs are often described to us as “a man’s job” versus a “woman’s job”. Now, I am a huge fan of how God made men and women different and how he made us to complement one another. I love that men can step up to do things that allow them to be the strong provider and that women can step up to do things that reflect our caring and nurturing nature. But, I also value having the freedom to make a choice of what I will and will not do. Sometimes, a girl just wants to experience the challenge of carrying the heavy logs too. Tonight at Bible Study, one of the participants was sharing that this coming Saturday is he and his wife’s turn to clean the church. I said, “Oh, that’s nice. Very helpful.”, and he said, “Yes, but I would NEVER clean my own home, that’s a woman’s job.” Bite my tongue. Deep breath. I wanted to scream, “Are you serious?”, and laugh all at the same time.
Serbians also have what I would consider to be some interesting “wives tales”. For example, I was admonished not to sit on the floor because of how the hard surface and cold temperature will affect my organs. This “rule” was problem for me when my legs were tired from the arthritis and I NEEDED to sit…and there was nothing but the ground to sit on. I was struck by how frustrated I was when someone else’s values were imposed on me when what I was being asked to do actually hurt me in another way. I know that their intentions were only good based on what they believe, but every rebellious part of me flared up in that moment. Another example…I wore flip flops to Bible Study tonight…bad choice. My incredibly well-meaning host immediately asked me if I was okay and told me that having my feet open in the cold weather like that was very dangerous. He said that his wife had her feet exposed to the cold once and that it caused stomach problems and fertility issues. Bite my tongue. Deep breath.
Little things like this have happened throughout the last two months that trigger feelings of being less valuable as a woman and/or feeling like values that are not my own are being forced on me without my having any control.
It has been a season of walking in humility…and choosing to see the humor. Ha ha…hmmm…Okay, composure re-gained.
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Posted in serbia by Charlene Geddes on 4/1/2012
I’m learning to “just do it!” There are so many things I don’t do because I’m afraid it won’t be good enough, that someone else would do it better, that I will fail, that someone will think less of me or deem me inadequate or undesirable as a woman – as a person. So, one way I am challenging myself personally this year is in trying new things. Like cooking a meal I have never prepared before (which includes most meals!), crocheting hats and scarves, learning how to play chess, playing the guitar, being in charge of our team’s finances, etc. Once I “do it” I feel a rush of accomplishment as I conquer something that once brought anxiety or insecurity. I “just do it” and all of a sudden it has no power over me anymore. Any lie I believed about myself dies off. Sure, I will “fail” at some point, but 9 times out of 10, I won’t…it will be just fine.
Sometimes the reason I don’t “just do it” is simply out of laziness or complacency. I want to grow in this area too. Sometimes it’s easier to just not take initiative. But, I want to be a starter...someone who pursues, who learns, who experiences, who takes risks – and who can fail with grace and humility and follow the experience with a laugh – at myself.
The more I think about it…I can feel anxious about anything that is asked of me that I have never done before or that is not a known strength. Hanging curtains, decorating a room, mopping a floor, researching a travel destination, planning Bible lessons and crafts for children, making coffee – I KNOW – it’s crazy what I put myself through. Does anyone else do this? If only I would take one step – so often that’s all it takes, and then I’m free.
Another reason I don’t just “do it” is because there is this crippling cycle that goes something like this: I don’t “do it” because I don’t know how, and I don’t ask how because I’m embarrassed that I don’t know how, so then I never learn how, so I never “do it”. Get it?
I’m shaking head and laughing at myself as I write this…a good start, I think!
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Posted in serbia by Charlene Geddes on 3/29/2012
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Our new friends, Alexahdar and Borko
I was reminded this morning why it is so important to study God’s Word in community – with the brothers and sisters he places in our circle. I chose Psalm 37 to read and discuss for our morning devotional and my eyes were opened to a whole new level of understanding. I shared with you in the past that I have struggled to really wrap my mind and heart around certain Psalms where David talks about “evil people” or “the wicked”, as I don’t really experience being chased or oppressed by any person or group of people. So, in my mind, when I read these Psalms, I often view “evil people” and “the wicked” as Satan, temptations, my own sinful tendencies, and/or as lies that have been spoken over me. This interpretation works…I believe these things are Biblical and valid ways of qualifying “evil” and “wicked”. But, this morning, Alexahdar (25 years of age) brought his life experience to the Psalm – and I saw how “evil people” and “the wicked” can apply today in the form of a person – just as it did for the psalmist, David, in his day.
Earlier this month, Alexahdar shared his testimony with us…how he began using alcohol and drugs at an early age (a very big and common problem in Serbia) and let them take control of his life. It was not until he was lying in a hospital bed, with no idea how he got there, that he prayed for God’s help (if he was really there). Of course, God was there, and ready to save him when Alexahdar humbled himself and cried out. God provided a rehabilitation center and a divine meeting with Pastor Radovan whom he now works under here at the church. Alexahdar can put names and faces to evil and wicked people. In his past, he was part of that life. Since repenting and turning his life around, those people have threatened and mocked him…but, God has kept him safe and kept him from stumbling. Alexahdar remembers that soon, “…the strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the Lord takes care of the godly.” (Psalm 37:17).
The beautiful thing is that God has not only redeemed Alexahdar’s life, but he is now using what the enemy meant for bad, for good. Alexahdar is now part of initiating a ministry here at Pastor Radovan’s church that will be aimed at meeting the physical, and spiritual needs of others caught in the cycle of drugs and alcohol. The building that our team is living in this month will one day soon be a home and sanctuary for those who are turning from a life of drug and alcohol abuse, to freedom and life in Christ.
Hvala ti Boze! Thank you God!
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Posted in serbia by Charlene Geddes on 3/29/2012
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Pastor Radovan and me
Scripture, in addition to prayer, is another spiritual discipline that has been a hallmark of this ministry month in Serbia. As I mentioned in the previous post, we begin each morning with our ministry host, Pastor Radovan, in a devotional time. Each morning we rotate the responsibility of being the one to come prepared with a passage of scripture to read and discuss with the group. It was my turn again this morning and I chose 2 Peter, chapter one. I love many parts of this chapter, but verses 5-7 are particularly powerful. Peter says to the believers: “In view of all this [that God has given us everything we need to live a godly life including promises that enable us to share in his divine nature] make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.” These are the fruit of our faith…one building on the other…all leading to love.
Sometimes though, we don’t know how to love. Perhaps this passage from 2 Peter gives us a rubric! First, we evaluate whether we are practicing moral excellence in all the areas of our life, then, we pray for knowledge and wisdom (Proverbs 2). We discipline ourselves with self-control (1 Peter 1:13), which allows us to wait patiently when God tells us to put on our “patient hat” as I like to call it (James 5:8). We train ourselves in godliness (1 Timothy 4:8), from which, among other things, flows the practice of brotherly affection (1 Peter 3:8)...and finally, with all these areas under control (or at least, being actively strived for through the strength we have in Christ), we are free to love.
I want to be someone who lives a godly life, someone who takes seriously the holiness of our God and the subsequent call on my life, someone who changes the atmosphere simply because the grace and love of God are overflowing from my heart. I have been excited to see what God would do in me this month as I walk in a season of consistent, corporate scripture study and prayer…and I think I’m beginning to feel what he is doing. I am beginning to grow more in love with God. I read scripture and it affects me in an increasingly intimate way. I want more of it. I pray every day for things and people that are dear to my heart and I know that God hears me.
This month my team has taken on the challenge of memorizing scripture each week. It is certainly a discipline, but what better way to respond to God’s promises and strive towards love than to put his life-giving Word in my mind and heart.
“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” ~ Acts 20:24
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